you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
