GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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