I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
