I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
