Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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