My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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