Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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