Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
