They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
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I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
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He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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