When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
The best revenge is premature balding
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
