DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
