She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
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