found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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