She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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