I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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