At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
