I puked a lego.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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