I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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