i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
