So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
