One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
