in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
