He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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