I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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