you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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