Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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