I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
