why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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