I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
