Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize