But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
