So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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