but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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