Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
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i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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