Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
