I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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