Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
