The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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