dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Im part way to drunk.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
