well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
