Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
