hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
