i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
