Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
