Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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