I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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