Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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