The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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