apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
