sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
