Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
