Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
