"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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