So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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