Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
