it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
