Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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