All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
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You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
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Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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