What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
