cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
The best revenge is premature balding
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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