im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
