My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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