You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
