She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
