she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
