He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
