5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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