i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
