I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
