I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
