Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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