Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
we're so committed to being not committed
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
