He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
