if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
