Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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