you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
