i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
