can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
