you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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