i will never coherently bang her
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Church boner. Awkwardddd
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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