i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
