idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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