So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
