It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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